Hello, fellow readers, it’s been a long time, during this period, i always wanted to come here and post something… … … but i was too weak to do anything (on a mental state). Now i have the chance to payback for those failures, i will try to put this project on the road again. Let’s start with a series of mini posts about many of the topics that i thought during this time (they were many others)
The quest for centralization
This was the first theme that i thought about posting, since my last appearance, what i mean by the word Centralization? At this time (when i wished to post, and many others previous times too) i was feeling the centralized mood, i felt “adequate”, everything i did, seemed to be on the right step, at the right time, on a “hypnotic state”. Ok i don’t wanna be a lier, words are words, and they form texts. Whenever we read people commenting about they wonderful nirvana like experiences (even more among those hippies/alternatives people) we might feel like they are really achieving the best experience ever, having a great time that we will never have, and feel some kind of annoyance over ourselves. To tell you the truth i don’t feel anything close to full experience, i just feel more close to those things that i described, hypnotic state, adequation and metric steps. And that’s the truth of it, not a big catch.
Fucking hell man… What i did to my life? I fucking burned everything once again, and now i’m fucking burning in shame once again, this is ridiculous, so much i can’t describe how i feel in words. I did all wrong again, knowing the steps out of trouble, and that i could never win this enemy, i tried once again to break my face, to take what others have taken from me with easy. I’m fucking mediocre.
I will never have back what i lost
I might be working for/towards a better future.
I might have many possibilites and things in the future.
But one thing that i am almost sure about is that i will never have back what i lost, and what i mean by it is not the obvious ever lost past experience, but just the chances of having those things in time, example: In the future we will have driveless cars, and those will probably be the most usual kind around, which leads me to never experience what feels like to have a car, a Toyota SUV (not that i want only this car) to be more specific. And in the future the car will restyle, and along this i will not have the car i want, but rather other one. Two big fuck ups for me wating down the road, and that is just a minor importance example.
The weakness in my bonds
I can see it, though i observe it, and for such a long time it could only raise wisdom on those who perceive thy truth, my art has never been of changing those things, but rather be a hit rock from these events.
I can’t really tell how many times i have seen my defects, and how long ago i could have changed them (though i don’t give up to eliminate most of them), well… here i am, making superficial interactions and hoping for profound fruits from this devil unbalanced relationship. Big mistake, there will be nothing from this sick relationship, “nor i can” work for a change nowadays, since i no long have my cool.
Our poor, fucked up, weak and debimental minds
On our brains (at least on mine) there is something that is primarily, there is a part of me that insists to come in terms with the reality, or at least, the laws of probability, which never lies. There are somethings that are simply not meant to work for some, and though we get hit by the punch, we keep deluding ourselves, extending the amount of suffering, pain and shame by trying over again the dim chances probability of sucess. WE OUGHT TO SEE, THE CHANCES ARE SO SMALL THAT ACTUALLY THEY ARE NOT THERE TO BE TAKEN SERIOUS, JUST TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT CAN HAPPENS, BUT NOT WAIT OUR BUTTS ON IT.
While all of this is true, i have to tell, there is a pain growing inside of me, making havoc on my already torn soul, and destroying all habitable spaces of peace and ever loving (realationship) someone, i feel so much resent that i grow tired of this, to the point that i might just never want it altogher, though it may prove more than just possible in the future.
My financial realization project
The Freedom, as i see it, is a conjecture of many things, like health, power, infuence, liberty, and most of all money. Folks, girls and boys, let’s face it. Without money you can’t do anything (or at least much) on this life/planet hell (i really like earth, i don’t think it’s planet hell, it just a bad place for some, but not all of the earth, just some place inhabited by some shitty people). So, because of this, i decided to focus on my health freedom realm (i have been making some advances, though i still fail at some points, i’m on the edge) and financial freedom. They are 3 possible routes on Financial Freedom (FF):
– Entrepreneur (This one is the holy grail, and always has been, only by being an entrepreneur you can reach the level of Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Elon Musk and the likes, on money, at least. The bad part about it is when you start a business you are putting your capital on some really risky application, that can go all wrong and leave you with debts to pay)
– Private Companies Career (Pay low salaries at start, but have some small/medium chance to achieve better paid jobs than government workers on later stages, the bad point here is the constant need for universities degrees of post graduation, and many courses to your CV)
– Government Worker (this pay high salaries on start, you can always change jobs and places easily applying for open concourses, so this prove very useful for leveranging good amounts of money whenever need on a basic level. On high level it involves too much politics (which i hate) and is really hard to get there (this is not about being lazy, this is about making part of something you don’t wish for yourself, so i don’t too).)
I like to read stories folks, i really wish it is somehow conforting and maybe inspirational to you guys to read those texts, but i can surely tell, you all will probably grow tired of this whining if just keep it up, i hope for a different life, but right now on this beggining, that’s all i have to give.
We will never be, i am the moon