To those of you who want to keep up with the story, click HERE
So… you guys must be wondering, or some, even curious about what happend, right?
Let me tell you, what happend during the week was the following:
The first days of the week, she kept her normal routine on her page, posting pics, etc… Nothing changed, and it hurted me a lot. During the Wednesday, she posted something i didn’t understood, and i wondered, what does she means?
When i hit the Thursday mark, i was feeling more at easy with the things that passed to my mind, and kind of getting used to it, so i was thinking, why not go back to her? When this week end, the way things are, it doesn’t seem she will ever say even a “hi” to me. I don’t have anything else, and i know what life feels without a woman by your side already, and i don’t want to come back there.
I know, this is REALLY not a good cause to going back to someone, but i can assure you that beside it, beyond that, i can’t deny that i really like her, and i want her only, and can’t imagine other person on her place (even tried to get to know a french girl on this period, which i will just let be “it will die, i’m sure”). I know that in life, and that i talk by my experience, you might like someone, but overtime, the feeling just die, and you are ready to like somebody else, like you never liked this person. But on life, you can win over this too, i belive, just in the way others things in life works, you need a continuous effort towards it, to keep in touch with the person, take care of yourself for the sake of your own image and the image the other person has about you, and a bunch of care.
So, what happend on the Friday?
Just finishing thursday, nothing happend on it, not even a new on her page.
Now about Friday, during the whole day i checked my conversations page, and no news of her, not during the morning, not during the afternoon, not on early night. Finally, when i came home, about 9-10 p.m. I decided to check her page, and there was something there that really caught my attetion, and reseted all the hope.
I will tell the basic ideia of what she said, but i don’t wanna quote it here, for obvious reasons, and because i don’t like to expose others (though i might be doing this already).
She basically said she had confused feelings, wasn’t feeling ok, and that she doesn’t wanna lose “someone”. When i saw this i stared at the empty wall in my room, thinking about it for 5-7 minutes, could she be talking about me? How the fuck does a guy that had nothing on this side and order could be so liked? If it was for me, it was even more powerful than a simple “hi, how are you?”. I said to myself during the day, that when i go home, i would talk with her again, so i said to myself after seeing what she said, now i ought to talk with her!
But i’m kind of a procrastinator (as i’m doing it right now), so i said to myself, i will exercise and take a shower before, and then, we talk. Well folks, during the roaming around home, setting things up for my exercise, i recived a call from her, via internet, well, i… my heart raced a little, and now i was fucking nervous, i didn’t answered, waited it die out, FUCK, i wasn’t prepared to deal with it, but i kept acting normal around home and went to the exercise, without my cellphone nearby, of course.
While i exercised, while i showered, all i thought was about it, and wondered, what did i do? Have i fucked up everything already? How do i repair? Is there repair? Every minute seemed like an eternity, but i kept rolling the exercise and shower, and then, finally in front of the screen of my PC, it took me 3 minutes to say a “hey…” for her. And from there on, when she answered me, i kind of made things roll back again (or so i think).
I don’t know if the fact of her calling me, means that the message was for me, or if this message, means she likes me (but i have some signals that happend later, that might mean, reinforce the yes hypothesis). And later, she told me something that might really explain why she is the way she is to a deeper level…
So what is for now? (Plunge or die!)
So before i keep up, let me add a small note, i don’t like what i did, and i don’t recommend anyone doing it, though i did it, i belive the crumpled paper theory, in which once you mark your relationship with someone with bad things, you can never make the paper fully flat once again, but i belive it was kind of a fold in the middle, rather than total paper destruction (and maybe we can survive it to the future, and even more in the future “i’m talking about singularity motherfucka!”, reverse this!)
Now i need to make a Skype videocall with her, she was the first to give the ideia, and to me it seems, if not the greatest, one of the greatest obstacles, but i have to overcome it, and do it, or i might die at the beach, and all the effort and momentum until now, be for nothing.
The reason i feel so uneasy when i think about skype calls, is because my face is kind of asymmetrical, i think i might be a foul beast to her view, once she sees me, and that it will be the end of my quest, well, that is for account the biggest fear, because, there are others, that i kind of ignored now, but they are very real. I’m not so good at talking personally, and i need time to think about topics, of course, the other person can help, but i don’t know how she is when it comes to this (only one way to know, do it!). And that, i will surely have to face too.
Well, what i’m going to do is face my fear, and skype with her, so i discover what it will be, and who knows, i might have a good surprise? (I really hope so!) But no matter what i do, i don’t see things envolving if i don’t pass this phase, it’s a needed one, and the others will be calmer, i can give the final shots and officialize everything once i went through this storm.
The rest of it will be just managing a (probably) more than one year long, distant relationship, and that can be a dauting task, to keep it all alive, etc. So i can make it to the day we finally see each other. But i will tell you one thing, this “take your time to envolve” kind of relationship, has it owns perks, and i’ve be doing some crazy things lately, and for what i think, it’s because of us.
To resume it, i’m not going right now talk to her, because it’s too late in the night, but i will do it as soon as i wake up, and prepare her for the night (hahaha, not on that way…). I’m happy right now, but i should always keep my feet on the ground, near reality, so i don’t fly high, because the fall is high too.
Let my endeaveour be the rise of all warriors in this fight like me!
My advice for this post is: Do what needs to be done!
Now, to finish this post, i would like to thank you for all encouragement you have given me, you don’t know how strong posting here makes me be, i can now resume my journey towards the woman i want by my side! Thank you!
Also, i’m writing a big post about ASI, that one will be made with drafts saved, long review, and stuff. I wanna make something of quality, and talk about other topic too, rather than my own life all the time.
Until next time folks!