What will happen now

I will keep working, keep feeling some old feelings, eventualy feeling something new, but that doesn’t account for being good. One thing i don’t want ever to do again is to fool myself to begin all of this stuff once again, i know how it all ends, and i don’t think it values the price, because as i told, i’m always getting full falls from half perks.

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I might not feel this amount of physical pain, but surely i feel this soul pain inside, altough sometimes life wanna try to delude me into believing that i will be ok, just don’t do this, ok? Hell will come back, it’s a rollecoaster ride, remember!

Things i don’t do that might increase my misery:
– I don’t eat tasty stuff (which means i only eat natural things, like meat, eggs, vegetables, etc…)
– I kind of don’t masturbate (I’m not completely sure on this one, but if i can get my mind out of it, it will be really good, also, i the reason i don’t feel like doing it is because i always felt that it wasn’t for me, but i did, but not now)
– I don’t play anymore games (of any kind, sold my PS2 years ago, though i have an emulator now, and my PC can run many games on it pretty well, i don’t play anymore for months, because i feel it is a waste of time, at least for now)
– I don’t hang out with friends (i over the course of years have lost friends appeal, now i’m a lonely guy)
– I don’t go to parties (enough explanation on itself)
– I don’t drink, neither smoke, and yes, i don’t do drugs
– I don’t drink any soft drink, or other weirds stuff, only water, juice and teas.
– I don’t have sex (though mostly because i’m an Incel)
– I don’t get out of home if don’t have anything serious to do, the least serious thing i do is exercising (i used to hang out at the cine with my friends, but not even that nowadays)
– Others stuff i can’t remember now…

What might be of the future?

I think that i might repeat this very question one million times or more, pardon me for the annoyance, i can’t help wondering. Well my future, if i keep achieving some of the stuff i set as goals, and can strenght each other to help overall on my objective, i will probably be a lone, less miserable guy, with more power and chances. But also, my soul will be (it’s already, and i don’t think i can do anything to help) a really devoid place of any comfort.

What happens usually is that we set goals, think we will achieve as we have thought we would, but then we fail to achieving them as we set to do, if we ever make them. So this time, no expectations, just goals. And keep rolling hard on the streets of life, because life always give the greatest blows and hits on your face, body and soul! Be ready to resist that shit!

Be strong soldiers, there is not a known end to this war we wage!

Also, i don’t know if i will be able to keep up with these things, or if this a perma ban, all i know is, if i fail to keep up, i can always try again if i’m willing to.

What is your definition of hell?

My definiton of hell is to live in a world where humans beings don’t have any value to others, only what they possess.

My definiton of hell is seeing that i also fail to that same description, being locked to the same downfall as others.

My definiton of hell is having to live in a place where you have no clue of what is going on, what will happen, and no matter what you do, and how much you improve, you never seem to get to any point.

My definiton of hell is knowing that the chances of you having some things are so dim, that it is best to not consider them anyway.

My definiton of hell is being torn apart every day, every moment in this universe and nothing ever changing to this.

Well, i’m in hell because i don’t know if there is something ultimately different than this.

And you, what is your definiton of hell?

The end of the story?

rites of men

Right at this moment, where i stand is night time, i am here thinking about the future, i don’t feel much pain, i just deeply wonder, what will be?

Dear readers, this might be the last update about this girl, and maybe, all others, i don’t feel good vibes comming from this mindset, this relationship, this instance on space and time, not anymore…

The beginning of everything

When i first met this girl, i was feeling hopeless, but somehow, i kept trying to know some woman to have a relationship, i’m not the kind of guy who goes into a fling, i might go if the other person doesn’t leave it clean, but once i know it, i will never return, because i’m not that kind of man (what the fuck am i saying? What flings have i been having? LOL).

The way this girl talked to me, her looks, it felt like she was different than the others girls, then, it came really fast like a thunder, the friendship classification, i instantely reacted wanting to know if she was alone, so to show interest. Things went good until the first blackout, she vanished into thin air for a week, that is justified, wasn’t her fault, but i’m not telling what made she do it.

When she came back, she seemed different, i thought it was out of some interest on some kind of relationship, well, it still was good, just not as magical, but had different perks this time, different interactions, different circumstances. Though, to keep anything was blatantly difficult, we didn’t had time for each other always, and it kept like this, promises were never accomplished, time wasn’t spent together.

So, i took care of the situation with a act of not going so fast, as i was always shooting, that is when, alias, that friendship stuff came again to circulation. Hell was set loose, i took the action (going to a new story here, not told previously) and instead of asking her to be mine, as a safeguard measure, i asked what was her mind on this relationship and on relationship in general.

The answer she gave me was she didn’t had time to this, which is true, because of her hectic schedule (or some fuckers might say she has been having some “fun”). Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter to me anymore, as being in a distance relationship, is already hard to make something, it would be useless to try anything with her as i wouldn’t be able to achieve this probably.

So i gave up on her already, but there stays some remains, i thought i would just say to her we can’t be friends and forget her, but i didn’t do it. I still talks with her, which is probably a huge waste of time in the end, as i don’t gain anything, and don’t do others activities.

Well, why do i do it?

Because of these remains, there are some illusions in my head that tells me, if we ever saw eachother by any chance, i could try to conquer her heart, and maybe have the long waited sucess i long for. Well, that might never happen, and in the end, i might have the biggest waste of time of my life ever. I should probably try to kill this in me, but i don’t care, it’s not a sad “friendship” where i am hurt, because i kind of gave up this distance side with her.

What i’ve been doing in the meantime

Talking with the french girl, and in the lookout for more women, because this gemini heart can’t stay rocked to a person forever when there is no return.

Which leads me to questions!

What is this life? How the hell can it take so long for me to know anyone? Why do i have such a hard time? Am i getting better at this shit?
And the most important ones: Will i ever make it? And if i do, who will be her?

Silhouette

Should i surrender?

Why choosing to live on Mars could be a really bad ideia?

mars

Mars, oh Mars! This rounded red planet floating on the sky, lovely place to go, right?

Not so fast mindless decisions, if you look over history, what you are going to find? Take the Americas colonization for example, did it went really good? Why do you think it would be any different on Mars? I mean, it might be good right now, but has it always been? And, is it good for all countries today? I surely tell a big NO!

What i really think that it is going to happen to Mars, is something really near to what we always saw here on earth, whole countries still today fucked up because of some wrong colonization, i’m not saying colonizing some place is always bad, but there are good ways to do it, i tell you.

But i might be wrong, we never did something so huge to this extent ever before, like colonizing a whole planet, it might go really well, if good intentions goes along with right work, but it is not common to see these two fail to reach each other. What reasons we have to belive that this time it will be different?

Why did i want to go to Mars in the first place?

One day, as usual, dissapointed as usual with life, i wondered, as usual too, why do i keep living? What there is to life? (I sound like the depression and pessimistic king, right?), so i thought with myself: “i like so much the ideias and trends from the future, why not partaking in the development of humanity by going to Mars?”.

Maybe i could find something good there to do, some warm people, or simply have more value, put my skills learned until there (future point time) to good use. Or whatever…

But as you may see, this ideia was halted in me when i thought deeper about it.

Well, but what do i dread so much?

What i don’t like about the Mars ideia, is all the risk and unknown behide it, if we go to there, we have a greater risk to die, if life is already bad here on earth, with all those cool things to do, imagine the hell it would be on a new planet, where we don’t have anything really other than work?

What would be needed to go there? Let’s say 1.000.000 persons went to Mars like Elon Musk says in THIS ARTICLE, and let’s say 88% of these people, which would be 880.000 sold everything they had on earth to go to Mars, the rest of these people, the 120.000 already had the money. Ok, but let’s suppose that because of spatial laws, we can’t have assets on more than one planet, nor be citzens of more than one planet, what would happen? You would be going a one way trip to Mars with no cards to return! No matter what was your previously state!

I suppose some people, if not all, would be ok with this law, after all, why did they apply if they can’t follow the fucking rule? Well my friends, that happens before you know to a deep level something, once in Mars things can be really different than what you thought, imagine living in a really risky place, where you could die really quick if anything goes wrong with your suit, that is the kind of risk you will be living 24 hours.

You might starve at this place, you might die from the radiation there, as this is a planet without magnetic protection because it has a solid core, rather than liquid core like earth, which might fuck you up completely, changing your DNA, making lots of cancer in way to deliver your soul to Hell! Hahahahaha!

Maybe Doom, even turns true, which would be funny, lol!maxresdefault

But don’t forget the worst of it all, you might be thinking you will be doing something historic, which i won’t denny, but think about all the work you will have to do, and it won’t be for much, because you will not even be able to construct some patrimony there, as there is nothing to the red planet in it’s begin. Well, if you are an immortal, that doesn’t matter really, right?

What about earth?

Well folks, i think that earth will be really better when we start colonizing some planets out there,it is just like the old countries who colonized the Americas, Africa and the Asia, once they did it, they got more rich, and somehow now, misery lives more to these ex-colonized places than in their origin country, it’s like humanity exports misery to whatever place it goes.

So, i think the same might show to apply too in the future, Mars will be a fucking futuristic slave colony, where we mine resources and send them to earth, fucking leaving the planet with just traces of what it exports. Selling the ideia of Terraforming, which might happens, and might be really good once it happens, but what a hell of a time it will take? And why do we want to Terraform Mars instead of living in our Terra (i know, it is for the safeguard of the humanity, progress and stuff like that)? Isn’t Terrarepairing easier than Terraform?

Once we leave to Mars earth will get really better, but why? Because as developed countries nowadays were the ones to colonize, earth in general will go through the same process, that what history says, and you may say i’m wrong and that we can’t predict the future, which i agree, but what we always used to forecast the future? What we already know, it’s recorded on books, and that is my shoot.

So what will be left to earth?

A really good place to live, much better than today probably, maybe not all places, but all places in general will evolve, and over time every place will be quite good to live as any other, just choose and go! Even more if you consider the fact that we are getting more consciousness about ecological problems, social problems, technological problems, etc. All sums up to a better place to live, don’t you think?

But dad… i still wanna go to mars!!

If you really still wants to go, in case the chance happens to you, just do it, nobody will miss you truly other than those who know you, maybe (unless you are some big star, or whatever). But yet, i still feel the call to go too, be an adventurer, an explorer, a pioneer! But really? If i learned to use just half of my intelligence, i should wait and see what will become of this place before venturing into the unknow, after all:

Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know

Well folks, look up at some pics from Mars, so to give an ideia of what it might look like as a colony, and how many people are interested.

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MarsColony

And here is the earth, What it might look like in the future (i tried to keep it kind of realistic, because i don’t wanna dive too much in utopia)

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The real challenge for an ASI

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Much is talked about the Artificial Superintelligence (ASI), which should come just as soon as we make the first Artificial General Intelligence (AGI), and which come long after our created (actual state) Artificial Narrow Intelligence (ANI).

If you wanna know more about why i’m talking about this topic, or fully understand what i mean in this topic, please check out THIS, in case you didn’t already.

Contrary to the author at “Wait But Why?”, i kind of have a feel that humanity, and an ASI should not differentiate so much in the end, when it comes to some things, it’s just a matter of seeing, humanity isn’t completely oblivious about the greats misteries of universe, i don’t see how being superintelligente would lead to this AI having answers we do not have, or fully understanding things we only grasp.

Of course, the author of WBW, has his point when he says that superintelligence, along with the development of others senses humans don’t have, should lead an ASI to make things we cannot even imagine, or understand. But that doesn’t make it very super ultra pontent in my view, i think moderation is the wisest path when thinking about this. Humanity is not to be taken as nothing (and no, i’m not kidding).

When it comes to the part where an ASI could easily extinct the human race though, i agree fully with the WBW author, i don’t think we need to discuss here why, right? Grey/Gray Goo is a sure and a terrifying way to make it. But enough of this, why do i think an ASI will not be very much ahead of us when it comes to grasping existence, and why this may be our biggest downfall (i will talk about this on other topic)?

What is to grasp the existence?
Mision-Gaiarescate-humano

Grasping the existence is to feel your colocation inside of it, and know that, you don’t know everything, and there are things you don’t even imagine. The great mysteries of the universe, can an ASI win over it? Can an ASI actually find ways to overcome something so big, so massive, that we can’t even understand well, like the Universe Thermic Death? Maybe it can understand all the laws that involves it, but to overcome it, I think it can’t, it’s the great filter for all that exists in the Universe, and we have no proof of pararell universe.

But what that might mean for us?

That might be humanity biggest downfall, to see the appice of its own creation, fail to save anything against the hard codded laws of the universe. What that means to humans? Depression, and that might be one reason why intelligence is not found anywhere in the universe. Maybe they just see the meaningless everything and vanish forever.

One way or another, we might be doomed to cease existence, just because we can not make it until the very last moment, end of all and win over its supreme absolute laws.

I’m sorry this article was so short, but i took so much time to write it that i actually have forgotten what would be written here.    

;-D

Short update on her

You can keep track of the whole story HERE, or read it all HERE 2

I have to say, i will try to do one thing before finishing off with her, and that is good for my own sake, what? Why?

What i am going to do

That is pretty simple, i am going to ask her to be my girlfriend, in the most direct manner as possible, at Skype i hope (didn’t skyped with her yet).

Why?

Well, that is simple too, at least for my view.

Before talking with her, i used to hit women randomly, but never kept conversation to a great level/degree before, because i have low social glue and energy, not even online (actually, even more online!). I don’t think i am good at the 2nd step after hiting a woman (let’s focus on online hiting here guys) with a great opener line.

So then, i kind of evolved, learned some things to talk and others to not, how to talk, what to talk, when to talk, but i am far from perfect, mind you, and personal and voice communication envolve many more variables i belive, and harder to hide, we all must learn to be a good actor, lol.

While i was talking with her i did so many steps, things that i wouldn’t normally do, like sending “hugs and kisses”, calling her cute names, talking about love/relationship, i don’t usually do this shit. Actually, i don’t think i ever did before her. This steady progression made me forget that i never asked a woman to be my GF before, which now, with a clear mind, i see that it is an opportunity to envolve on this, at least.

Though it doesn’t mean i will want to hit woman ever again if it fails, or at least in a short time, whatever short means…

So that is what i got to do, use this chance, to evolve, even if i fail, which i feel, alias, that where the greatest chances are. But i got to keep up, got to survive, in the end of the day, this is what i do, isn’t life about continuity?

What else of good came from her?

Since i started this all with her i followed some pretty good habits, like:
– Exercising
– Eating better, much better (though little)
– Stoped the male forever alone number one sport to play alone (at least for quite some time, not couting)

What else it made me see, which might be good?
– I was getting dangerous fat (i still have fat on my body, but now much less than when i started!)
– I am not handsome, though, i am not a foul beast too, but i am very far from attraction levels, and i can improve some things, but it will take a great deal of time and dedication, to reach near perfection status, i will need the future by my side, but that is dreaming, and couting on it is delusional, i will do what i can right now!
– I am not very good at resisting the games of relationship (good news is entering the game makes you evolve socially)
– I have a very low status quo level right now
– I have very high standards, and very low reciprocation level (maybe i should lower my standards a little, but that will hit the paradox in which, if i don’t have someone really high level, i don’t feel so much inspired to begin any shit, or even, keep up).

So, statistics on my hands, time to work out on it now!