Right at this moment, where i stand is night time, i am here thinking about the future, i don’t feel much pain, i just deeply wonder, what will be?
Dear readers, this might be the last update about this girl, and maybe, all others, i don’t feel good vibes comming from this mindset, this relationship, this instance on space and time, not anymore…
The beginning of everything
When i first met this girl, i was feeling hopeless, but somehow, i kept trying to know some woman to have a relationship, i’m not the kind of guy who goes into a fling, i might go if the other person doesn’t leave it clean, but once i know it, i will never return, because i’m not that kind of man (what the fuck am i saying? What flings have i been having? LOL).
The way this girl talked to me, her looks, it felt like she was different than the others girls, then, it came really fast like a thunder, the friendship classification, i instantely reacted wanting to know if she was alone, so to show interest. Things went good until the first blackout, she vanished into thin air for a week, that is justified, wasn’t her fault, but i’m not telling what made she do it.
When she came back, she seemed different, i thought it was out of some interest on some kind of relationship, well, it still was good, just not as magical, but had different perks this time, different interactions, different circumstances. Though, to keep anything was blatantly difficult, we didn’t had time for each other always, and it kept like this, promises were never accomplished, time wasn’t spent together.
So, i took care of the situation with a act of not going so fast, as i was always shooting, that is when, alias, that friendship stuff came again to circulation. Hell was set loose, i took the action (going to a new story here, not told previously) and instead of asking her to be mine, as a safeguard measure, i asked what was her mind on this relationship and on relationship in general.
The answer she gave me was she didn’t had time to this, which is true, because of her hectic schedule (or some fuckers might say she has been having some “fun”). Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter to me anymore, as being in a distance relationship, is already hard to make something, it would be useless to try anything with her as i wouldn’t be able to achieve this probably.
So i gave up on her already, but there stays some remains, i thought i would just say to her we can’t be friends and forget her, but i didn’t do it. I still talks with her, which is probably a huge waste of time in the end, as i don’t gain anything, and don’t do others activities.
Well, why do i do it?
Because of these remains, there are some illusions in my head that tells me, if we ever saw eachother by any chance, i could try to conquer her heart, and maybe have the long waited sucess i long for. Well, that might never happen, and in the end, i might have the biggest waste of time of my life ever. I should probably try to kill this in me, but i don’t care, it’s not a sad “friendship” where i am hurt, because i kind of gave up this distance side with her.
What i’ve been doing in the meantime
Talking with the french girl, and in the lookout for more women, because this gemini heart can’t stay rocked to a person forever when there is no return.
Which leads me to questions!
What is this life? How the hell can it take so long for me to know anyone? Why do i have such a hard time? Am i getting better at this shit?
And the most important ones: Will i ever make it? And if i do, who will be her?
Should i surrender?