I will keep working, keep feeling some old feelings, eventualy feeling something new, but that doesn’t account for being good. One thing i don’t want ever to do again is to fool myself to begin all of this stuff once again, i know how it all ends, and i don’t think it values the price, because as i told, i’m always getting full falls from half perks.
I might not feel this amount of physical pain, but surely i feel this soul pain inside, altough sometimes life wanna try to delude me into believing that i will be ok, just don’t do this, ok? Hell will come back, it’s a rollecoaster ride, remember!
Things i don’t do that might increase my misery:
– I don’t eat tasty stuff (which means i only eat natural things, like meat, eggs, vegetables, etc…)
– I kind of don’t masturbate (I’m not completely sure on this one, but if i can get my mind out of it, it will be really good, also, i the reason i don’t feel like doing it is because i always felt that it wasn’t for me, but i did, but not now)
– I don’t play anymore games (of any kind, sold my PS2 years ago, though i have an emulator now, and my PC can run many games on it pretty well, i don’t play anymore for months, because i feel it is a waste of time, at least for now)
– I don’t hang out with friends (i over the course of years have lost friends appeal, now i’m a lonely guy)
– I don’t go to parties (enough explanation on itself)
– I don’t drink, neither smoke, and yes, i don’t do drugs
– I don’t drink any soft drink, or other weirds stuff, only water, juice and teas.
– I don’t have sex (though mostly because i’m an Incel)
– I don’t get out of home if don’t have anything serious to do, the least serious thing i do is exercising (i used to hang out at the cine with my friends, but not even that nowadays)
– Others stuff i can’t remember now…
What might be of the future?
I think that i might repeat this very question one million times or more, pardon me for the annoyance, i can’t help wondering. Well my future, if i keep achieving some of the stuff i set as goals, and can strenght each other to help overall on my objective, i will probably be a lone, less miserable guy, with more power and chances. But also, my soul will be (it’s already, and i don’t think i can do anything to help) a really devoid place of any comfort.
What happens usually is that we set goals, think we will achieve as we have thought we would, but then we fail to achieving them as we set to do, if we ever make them. So this time, no expectations, just goals. And keep rolling hard on the streets of life, because life always give the greatest blows and hits on your face, body and soul! Be ready to resist that shit!
Be strong soldiers, there is not a known end to this war we wage!
Also, i don’t know if i will be able to keep up with these things, or if this a perma ban, all i know is, if i fail to keep up, i can always try again if i’m willing to.