What will happen now

I will keep working, keep feeling some old feelings, eventualy feeling something new, but that doesn’t account for being good. One thing i don’t want ever to do again is to fool myself to begin all of this stuff once again, i know how it all ends, and i don’t think it values the price, because as i told, i’m always getting full falls from half perks.

HELL-105818653518-copy

I might not feel this amount of physical pain, but surely i feel this soul pain inside, altough sometimes life wanna try to delude me into believing that i will be ok, just don’t do this, ok? Hell will come back, it’s a rollecoaster ride, remember!

Things i don’t do that might increase my misery:
– I don’t eat tasty stuff (which means i only eat natural things, like meat, eggs, vegetables, etc…)
– I kind of don’t masturbate (I’m not completely sure on this one, but if i can get my mind out of it, it will be really good, also, i the reason i don’t feel like doing it is because i always felt that it wasn’t for me, but i did, but not now)
– I don’t play anymore games (of any kind, sold my PS2 years ago, though i have an emulator now, and my PC can run many games on it pretty well, i don’t play anymore for months, because i feel it is a waste of time, at least for now)
– I don’t hang out with friends (i over the course of years have lost friends appeal, now i’m a lonely guy)
– I don’t go to parties (enough explanation on itself)
– I don’t drink, neither smoke, and yes, i don’t do drugs
– I don’t drink any soft drink, or other weirds stuff, only water, juice and teas.
– I don’t have sex (though mostly because i’m an Incel)
– I don’t get out of home if don’t have anything serious to do, the least serious thing i do is exercising (i used to hang out at the cine with my friends, but not even that nowadays)
– Others stuff i can’t remember now…

What might be of the future?

I think that i might repeat this very question one million times or more, pardon me for the annoyance, i can’t help wondering. Well my future, if i keep achieving some of the stuff i set as goals, and can strenght each other to help overall on my objective, i will probably be a lone, less miserable guy, with more power and chances. But also, my soul will be (it’s already, and i don’t think i can do anything to help) a really devoid place of any comfort.

What happens usually is that we set goals, think we will achieve as we have thought we would, but then we fail to achieving them as we set to do, if we ever make them. So this time, no expectations, just goals. And keep rolling hard on the streets of life, because life always give the greatest blows and hits on your face, body and soul! Be ready to resist that shit!

Be strong soldiers, there is not a known end to this war we wage!

Also, i don’t know if i will be able to keep up with these things, or if this a perma ban, all i know is, if i fail to keep up, i can always try again if i’m willing to.

New thoughts

The worst ways to use your money!
Ever felt a rush to spend money? I don’t! But for the poor souls who fall into this trap (including me), there is some advices.

So first the worst ways:
1) Drugs
2) Drinking
3) Partying
4) Games
5) Other useless stuff

Best ways to spend it:
1) Entrepreneurship
2) Investing
3) Saving
4) Education
5) House, household, car (when and necessary only)

The despair of living an empty sex life
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zmnj9-PVn2U

It just is!

Patterns of luck and unluck through life (maybe it’s some hidden law of equality)

I can feel that through life there seems to have some days that we just happen to be “lucky”, and others normal, and other ones really “unlucky”. What could be the cause of this, some hidden law of universe/nature? I know about Karma and Dharma, Yin and Yang, positive and negative, high and low, bla bla bla, blo blo blo stuff. I have been one of those that belived something would happen in 2012, i know this stuff too well. But nowadays i am more of a agnostic guy, prove me and i will belive, otherwise my condolenceces, i can’t help ya!

So, the question is and remains, is it all a matter of simply dry cold statistics (which is not bad, by the way) or some universal law of equilibrium?

How we are forgetting the importance of sound on a VR scenario

When we think about the VR future, we usually think of immersive world where all our senses are immersed in a virtual world. But to imagine such thing we kind of focus on the visual scenario, rather than using all other senses. Through gaming we have seen that sound plays an important role in storytelling, though we don’t fully recognize its importance.

Nowadays games use recorded audio rather than generated audio from synthesizers, that leads us to the limitation of some recorded playback, which might sound ultra realistic, but set a lock on our possibilities and imagination. We could be way better now if we focused more on the development of audio, rather than record, but we decided for the easier road. Time will come to pay for this decision, when VR come it will be incomplete, though realistic looking, mark my words.

A quest to regain health

Throughout years and years of extensive research and profound dedication towards a unique goal (not really, lol), i have made many cuts in my diet, but wihout adding anything new, i see some problems that i always had getting better (almost none, now for real) or even vanishing because (almost none, yeah…) of this attitude, but i don’t think i am even near to achieve my maximum potential and reverse all the bad stuff i have to. I am still suffering the outcome of bad decision making, but slowly and surely i am walking towards a brighter future, where i can jump the bridge back to “nottingham” if so i discover that the cake was a lie!

Things i have cut

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and more, as i can’t remember right now… (one of these is a local food)

Is health a matter of good habits or a constant effort?

Well, when it comes to health i noticed a peculiar pattern, buf first let’s touch the common stream of thought from normalcy range people.

– The usual ideia

We hold within ourselves the distorted notion that health is a one way achieve all solution, well, maybe for some that holds true, but for most people it is not true. When you come to the health realm, if you have experience on it, like some people do, you will percive that while you might be tackling some problems here you might be creating others problems there, this image explains better than words:

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Whoever played this game (Ragnarok Online) knows that when you create a character this diagram will show up and you will have to use your points to increase or decrease attributes, when you move to a side you will shrink the opposite side too, the same applies to health in life. Somethings might be good for X, but they may start to cause Y, which can be liveable or way worse than the original problem, it’s all up to decision.

Well, there is some way to find equilibrium in this madness i belive, but that is a thing i am still working on, and when i find the answer i will sure share with you guys!

Collapse, the normal tendecy of life

Life requires one thing so we can make through it as victorious! Effort, endeavour. Either you put it or life will have the tendecy towards not so good results (disaster). That is what i observed, and you may come to this conclusion too by making the experiment of doing nothing and completely stop acting, if you don’t brush your teeth they will have decay, if you don’t study you don’t get better (as i watched anime and didn’t learn many words), if you don’t work you don’t even have a chance to have financial freedom, if you don’t go after relationships you will never have them.

Well better stop here, this topic of relationships again, here we go…

The woman i am getting to know

I always tried to give up relationships for good, but i always seemed to invest some minimal effort towards it from time to time. To no avail of success, unhappily. Well, in this try and fail, try and fail, i simply discovered one thing that i knew since long before, but never put to the test, a really successfuly approach! But it’s only a opener, nothing more… And for a person like me who have no social glue, i can’t help but think about my inevitable encounter (don’t take me wrong, i might pass!) with the great filter, from the fermi paradoxy on an analogy.

The thing is, i have met someone online, we are talking and things seem to be going ok, i don’t know if i can make it (i wonder so much: Can i make it? Can i do it? What will be? Am i able to?), but time only can tell this tale, if this was the closest i have ever got, or if this is the success case i have been longing for.

The feelings we feel when we enter a relationship

Though i don’t have an official, per say, dating, i am the closest i have ever been, and i am completely clueless about my foggy, hazzy, cloudy future. But i don’t need to have much experience to know about the common feelings associated with a relationship, the waiting for a message, and wondering what the fuck is happening? Stuff like that, negative emotions we feel, all irrational, if the other person do something or not, it is not up to us, we have to trust, not blindly, but we do have to give ourselves a little to this trust party.

I am too much of a rational minded person, suffered too much, before even knowing or passing by things, that now i am hardly impressed by this shit, though i can’t avoid to feel this way, i’m sure i will not lose my mind, is not that i don’t like anyone, it’s just that i armored myself against irrational shit that leads to nothing.

But i do miss a relationship =/, oh what am i saying? Have i ever had a meaningfull relationship before?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsbjEbAB_ZQ

That is it for the time period folks!